Ok. As you know, I will soon be relocating to the Los Angeles area to begin studies at Fuller Theological Seminary. A couple of girlfriends will be making the road trip down with me to help me move my stuff, and we’ve decided to stop on the way in Vegas for fun, since we have to stop somewhere on the way. In a fit of absurdity my friends and I were joking around about the things least likely to happen to us with one night to spend in Vegas. I make no promises that any of this will make sense to you, but we’ve had quite a laugh coming up with them. And if by some bizarre coincidence something on this list does happen to us… well, you know the saying. We’re not going to tell.
10. any incident with a sky-diving Elvis
9. not likely to wind up on a date with Wayne Newton
8. not likely to wake up wed to a perfect stranger
7. will have no need to assemble our brilliant-yet-quirky team of criminal masterminds to do any of the following: steal back our estranged spouse/steal a fortune from multiple casinos/impersonate the celebrities we actually are/or take revenge on an arch enemy.
6. since we will be playing it relatively low-key, there will be no need to identify our remains by our plastic surgery; which is a good thing, since we’re all implant-free, and would otherwise remain Jane Doe 1, 2, and 3 in the Vegas morgue.
5. are not likely to wake up with circus animals in our suite, or a mysterious infant.
4. are not likely to sneak down to the roulette table, claiming “I’m just going down the hall for some ice”
3. not going to wind up with a dead hooker in the trunk (ok, I’m not going to include the link to the movie reference here, simply because I disliked the film so much, I didn’t bother seeing the whole thing. It makes the list because this is the item that started this top ten list to begin with)
2. not likely to have to disguise ourselves as chorus girls or drag queens to hide from the mob or exact information from an unwilling informant
1. none of us are likely to be found drunk, stumbling and swearing at the roulette table, asking a stranger to blow on the dice that aren’t in our hand, while shouting “c’mon, mamma needs a new Bible!”