Several months ago, I felt a nudging to reengage on my blog. I felt that I’d been given the previous year to focus on further developing the Armory Journal, and that now I was being nudged to move my focus toward bringing this website back to life. I was excited to do it, and I started working on all kinds of prep-work. I promised myself that I didn’t have to start actively posting right away, I just needed to keep moving forward.
But after a while it felt like I was doing a whole lot of prep work but for no real results. I felt like I needed to have a lot background work, such as a load of pre-batched writing, all ready to go before I pulled the trigger. I wanted it to be awesome, right out of the gate.
Over time, the approach I was taking to give myself some grace, started feeling more like a barrier. I was feeling a real strong tug to get things moving, and yet there was nothing to show for it.
All this while, I was praying about the project, and praying about what it would take to get posts on the page, and I felt God whispering: “why do you need it to be perfect when you start? Why can’t you do it poorly at first? Why can’t you do it scared? Why can’t you do it messy, inconsistent, and broken?”
I realized that somewhere along the line, I had crossed from giving myself room to prepare and was now living in a state of hesitation. And that hesitation was making a wide-open path for the lies and attacks of the enemy. He’s a spiritual hijacker. He did not waste the opportunity to jump in that opening and start telling me all kinds of lies: that no one would come to the blog; that it would be a waste of time; that I have bad theology, and would hurt my readers by sharing my thoughts; and so on. Don’t you think anytime the enemy counts it as a victory, any time he manages to delay what God asks us to do?
I needed to just go ahead and jump in.
My point is not to condemn anyone who’s ever hesitated, myself included, but rather to explore the idea that God wants our obedience, but he may not be looking for our excellence. This is little bit tricky thing for me to say, because I do think that we should offer our best efforts to God. But, there is a point where our desire or drive to achieve excellence can become a hindrance or perhaps even an idol. Yes, we must always give our best effort for God. But he graciously accepts our subpar offerings – the fact of the matter is that even in our most excellent achievements are still woefully short of doing what God can do, so even our best is rather weak from a heavenly perspective. His grace makes it adequate. His perfection makes it useful.
So the challenge I would consider for both of us, is that we should be willing to risk ourselves looking foolish to the wise, or looking week to strong, and to respond to God in obedience. It’s up to Him to make our efforts fruitful. So why hold back? Why hesitate? Let’s always seek God’s timing (and of course, not jump the gun either) and respond out of obedience, even when we don’t feel ready.
Have you have you been dealing with something that God has been nudging you to do, yet for some reason you’ve hesitated?
Have you experienced a spiritual hijacking? What happened?